Sunday, December 9, 2007

No goes!

Well, there's no goss. Nothing interesting or different has happened in my life. I'm sick of routine! Procrastinating, pretend like i'm going to hashishdy, watch tv, have a bath...i can't wait to go on holidays so i can do somethings different..there is definately more to life than what i'm doing...i'm going to explore things ive never done before. i got an assignment back about squirt one of the highest mattys in the class .. so am reassured that i'm not entirely wasting my parents money.

sounds like ur havin an alrite time out there in noosa.yeh ive been really good... started workin at uni for once.. i think i prefered it before when i actually didnt realistairse how fuked the work is lol.. jks its been pretty good so far. been tryin hard to recapture the good old days lol.. had some big nites lately.. dunno wat the fuk is wrong wit me but lately when i go out people wanna kik ma ass lol.. ten guys tried to fight me and ma mate last nite funniest shit... i think there just intimidated lol or it could be the fact i talk bullk amounts of smack lol. there all in hospital now jks. yeh i miss the old days sometimes but its been alot of fun here lately... cant wait for june july.. me and veronica will be coming. thats if i earn some moola lol.. how bads this i start working nite fill at woolies when the shop shuts lol... u better fukin visit me when u get back to brissy.. none of this doggin shit, leave that to ur brother lol. we can hav a big one. yeh me and veronica r goin really good.. shes hilarious. she went to visit nel for her formal, heard nel went back to myles place lol.. wats ythe go there lol.. i heard myles and that were being cunts to rachel.. thats fukin poor show man pikin on a fukin depressed chick. i think the gurls an idiot but thats not rite, i dont even know him that well but fuk i wanna giv him a piece of my mind, loser. yeh neway its great to hear that ur havin a good time and enjoying the job. havent tlked to ur bro lately but i hear he is off the rails a little lol... sometimes i wonder wat goes through that boof head of his.

oi i saw chantay on saturday night, she looked hashishnning, i was so proud of her. so whats the goss? hows life in noosa? so heres the goss whith me: i dropped out of uni, if i havent already told you. im currently looking for a full time job, its not looking too promising at the moment, but ill keep looking. in the meantime i working alot of hours at civic. i was really happy last week after i had dropped out, i was like yeah ok so i can start over ect. but know im just feeling shitty, like im getting no where but i really need to do something. i ereally want to do volunteer work but half the hashishff i want to do, you need to be able to drive/18 it sucks ass, i just want to help. ive fucked up everything: like ive just become withdrawn and shit, like i barley see mikayla these days or anyone else, ive tried cutting back the drugs but i cant and i think that im actually really unhappy. i dont know what to do, im just waiting for a change, just for something to come along, you know. but i know that i need to make some personal changes, i just dont know where to start you know? anyways, i just needed someone to tell, everyone else has problems and im sure you do too, its just your the only one i know i can tell shit to, you know what im going to tell you before i know myself. half the time you tell me how im feeling and i dont even know it. if that made any sense whatsoever?

ive moved into the unit and havent got internet and ive been working heaps so havent had much time. ive started work at the cafe in the city, its hok but really hard work, like i had to close the other day which meant i had to do all the washing up for the whole day (took me and hour) and mop and rstock the fridges ect ect, it was a fucking workoutrhys slept over the other night, we didnt have sex but hooked up and shit and then he had to go to work on 2 hours sleep hahaha. dont know what is going on with us. ohhhh and i ended up fucking josh a few weeks back, we were both really stonned and alone and it happened, but it didnt mean anything. tuesday night: janes free bar tab on a boat, nik and i got hold of some 18+ bands and got smashed, ended up passing out in the toilet, best fucking night while it lasted though. then friday niht was rhys's i was the last girl standing, me and nik spent the night at his, bastard greened out on me!! sat night: anna kellys: free piss, awesome set up, anso and chantay satyed at mine. such a good night!!!! fucking love anso!!! anyways i gots to go, dinner is ready, yummm roast turkey!!

i felt really weird the other day.. i had this odd thought.. for some reason i was thinking about my wedding and suddenly i was like.. who the hell would i have as bridesmaids.. i seriously panicked.. you know.. like everyone is in these little friendship groups and they all seem to like haging out with each other.. but they're not super tight - at least not all of them - you know what i mean? and im thinking.. so who are my good friends? and im like jodie - ahh shit, thats right.. we havent spoken in a couple of months.. whys that.. ahhh because i ditched her for latch. and i felt so shit.. then i was like.. well who else.. emily? yeah i like emily.. (we're talking again) but. yeah.. i guess i need to work on our relationship before i throw her my bouquet.. so then im like.. well i've got nicolee and felicity.. but im not going to see them for a year................ oh fuck.. i have no friends.. and so i sitting there ticking off all these people who are my friends but people who i dont.. depend on.. friends who i dont need.. you know what i mean.. i sound insane as always. and ive talked it up so i sound like im overacting but basically i came to the realistairsation.. that i dont have many real close friends.. that are close (as in, in brisbane).. so yeah.. after about half an hour i was like.. fuck it.. things will change from now to my wedding day.. people are going to die (i seriously thought that lol) people are going to move away, people are always changing.. so yeah.. i felt better.. ^ wow what a load of bullshit! but im going to message jodie and see what shes doing this weekend or next weekend... hah.. i just messaged her then..